Schneier on Security: For a Safe Night’s Sleep

This is just fantastic. Bruce Schneier has a blog-entry called For a Safe Night’s Sleep that covers a product named Quantum Sleeper. I just can’t shake the feeling this is published due to April first, but anyway. For a laugh check out some of the specs. Whether it’s a joke or not it doesn’t matter. It’s still funny.

The Quantum Sleeper Unit is a high-level security system designed for maximum protection in various hostile environments

Quantum Sleepers can also be fitted to provide protection from destructive forces of nature such as tornados, hurricanes, earthquakes and floods.

The Quantum Sleeper is the ultimate in protection, entertainment and communications, “ ALL ROLLED UP IN ONE”


  • 1.25" Polycarbonate Bulletproof Plating/Shielding
  • Bio-Chemical Filtered Ventilation
  • Rebreather
  • Control Panel Mode Selection (i.e., Basic System Ops., Intruder Setting, Energy Status, Lock Down, etc.)
  • Cover & Door Actuators w/ Emergency Release
  • One way see through head cover (reflective mirror on 2 sides and front)
  • Safety Features (Proximity Sensor, O2 Sensor, Smoke Det., Motion Det. Ect,)
  • Emergency Communication system (Cellular, Short-wave Radio, CB ect.)
  • Audio Amplifier (Amplify sound from out side unit)
  • Air/Water Tight Sealing
  • External Override Key Pad & Remote Control
  • Battery Backup Power
  • Toiletry system

A thing that makes it look real is the patent number. The USPTO web site actually shows a patent #7137881 for a protective bed unit. But all the typos makes it somewhat less real.

I leave you to make the decision for yourselves. Enjoy.

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